Write Your Dragons Out
This makes me wonder, if this is what it means to be a modern day archeologist of the soul.
I haven’t dedicated time to properly sit and write in a long time. Even then, it’s been a while since I had a writing practice that was pen and paper based. I usually write on my phone or laptop, and it would come in random bursts, I never really committed to a specific writing practice dedicated to just keep the river of writing flowing.
So when I chose to read the book Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg, I knew that this was the first step in facing the river I left blocked for some time now. Even though I’m still not done with reading the book, I still feel the need to share what’s been on my mind so far.
The first task was to develop a pen and paper writing practice. The rules within this task was that there are no rules, just have some paper and a pen and just write. Start with anything, a memory, a feeling, waking up in the morning, or how you like to have your coffee, and slowly as you write, leave the path of the thinking mind, and allow yourself to wander into the depths of the mind and the heart. Allowing what ever wants to show itself to you to be revealed to you. Slowly, the path will shift from the voice of the thinking mind to the voice of the soul. You’ll notice the shift when your handwriting gets messy, when grammar and spelling don’t matter, when you stop pausing to think about what to say next and instead allow the pen to glide along the page. As you do so, after you’ve finished writing, you’ll be surprised at what you might find. You’ll be thinking, I had no idea this was what I was going to write about when I started. After the times I’ve written so far, this is always the way I feel in the end.
I remember feeling intimidated to write again. It’s been so long I had no idea what might come out as I sit alone, just me, my pen and paper waiting for my soul voice to say what she needs to say at this moment. If you write too you’ll know the fear that comes with this. I was pleasantly surprised to see the words I wrote, the ways in which us humans are reflections of nature and what surrounds us, I wrote about my curiosity about things I love and why I love them and what it is about them that makes me feel safe, how expression and creativity are crucial parts in our growth, healing, and evolution as human beings, for us personally and the collective around us. What I found from this writing practice was deeper than the intimidation I felt at the beginning. I found a deep curiosity and a hunger for knowledge, I found myself researching, learning, trying, taking a break and trying again. I found myself coming back to this practice, not because of the commitment I made but the curiosity my first intention instilled within my heart. It made me feel like I have to know more, I have to dig deeper, I have to understand, I have to explore more to see what I might find. This makes me wonder, if this is what it means to be a modern day archeologist of the soul. To take responsibility to dig deep within our psyches to understand the bones that rest within the cave of our mind. I’ve found that if I write with the desire to explore, my thinking mind keeps me from finding the bones, it keeps me from shedding a light on the darkness, but if I sit calmly, quietly, patiently, radiating a feeling of acceptance and compassion to allow what wants to show up to show up and what isn’t ready to show up to stay hidden. Most of the time, I find that I begin to slowly gain the trust of the darkness to light up, by gently revealing the glow of the bones to my curious eyes.
I was recently watching an interview of Joseph Campbell where he was talking about the power of stories and myth and the hero’s journey within them. He mentioned the symbolism of the Dragon in European history. He explains that, the Dragon sits in front of his cave guarding things. He then goes on to say that, the Dragon represented greed, and he just sits and guards his things within the cave. He says that psychologically, the Dragon is our own binding of ourselves to our ego, and we’re captured in our own Dragon cave. By taking up this writing practice, I found myself face to face with my own Dragon, guarding my own cave of things. When I approached it in a way that was open, accepting and graceful as the dance of the ink on my pages, I came to see the purity within the eyes of the Dragon, and the playful innocence within the glow of the bones, that they wanted to find me as much as I wanted to find them. I came to learn that exploring our shadow is not a trap into a deeper spiral of the mind. I mean, it can be if we approach it in a way that supports that, but even as I say that what I mean is, the power in which we approach it is ours to choose.
Although the Dragon might show itself in a way that’s greedy and intimidating, it’s essence is very childlike, very innocent, fragile, and most importantly.. wounded. When we come to understand that, the attitude of “whats mine is mine don’t touch it” comes from pain, the heart automatically radiates empathy and love towards it, gaining it’s trust, allowing it to soften, encouraging it to feel comfortable and brave enough to move out of the way to reveal what it’s been protecting all this time, and most importantly to face them. Each of us are our own inner Dragons in the end.
Since facing the intimidating feeling I had to write after years of not writing, I feel happy that through what I wrote, I was able to discover parts of myself within the world of writing I’ve shut out for the longest time, parts I thought I outgrew. Through that I’ve been able to reconnect with writing fiction, exploring the thin line that separates reality from fantasy, and what that means to me.
It’s a brave act, to take the time to sit and face the things we need to face. We may not be prepared to confront them directly, but just the act of standing in front of ourselves and affirming that, okay I’m ready to look into this now, I’m ready to learn more about it. Just this small act alone is a very courageous act, and it’s an internal one. It doesn’t have anything to do with anyone or anything on the outside, but everything to do with what’s on the inside.
Each of us have our own unique ways of exploring the bones once we gain the trust of our inner Dragons. For some it might be free writing, or a form of exercise like going to the gym, running or walking, dance or some form of art and crafts, or even going out for a drive as a way to think deeply and process. Whatever it is, the action of processing what’s on our minds always includes movement. When we’re in motion the knot of the head and the heart untangles, revealing themselves as two different colored strings flowing next to one another in harmony, allowing us to process each one seperately, equally, and fully as we slowly recognize the answers they provide us with. There will always be new tangles between the strings, new bones to discover, and the Dragon will keep guarding it’s cave time and time again, but it’s our own responsibility to keep checking in, and keep learning why we are the way we are in this moment.
I encourage you to face a part of you that you’ve shut off for what feels like forever. It could be something big or small. Something small to others but big to you, or big to others and small to you. What are you guarding inside, what sparks the attitude of “what’s mine is mine don’t touch it”, or more interestingly, what do you see on the outside that might spark a tiny light of jealousy within you, this tiny light of envy is a sign that you are worthy and deserving of that which you desire, because it’s in you, it’s within your heart. All you have to do is face it.
So, are you brave enough to see what might come up once you’ve looked into the eyes of your inner Dragon?
