A Story of Meditation, Movement, and Dance
I wanted to experience something deeper then the mind could reach, something that made me feel truly free.
When I first felt drawn to meditating, I thought I had to be either seated on a chair, feet flat on the floor, or seated cross legged, or laying on my back, maintaining straight spine in all positions. I thought that in order to achieve a successful meditation experience it had to be done perfectly. I started by following guided meditations either on youtube, or lead by a teacher. They were really helpful and effective, every now and then I’d comeback to my seat following a guided meditation to bring me back to my center. It was always tough to start especially at the beginning, but as soon as the meditation began it felt easier to stay until the end.
A few years later I was encouraged to sit in meditation, in silence on my own time. It started out as 5 minutes, to 10, to 20, 30, then finally 45 mins of silence. It became a time to pause and just observe, I wasn’t judging my experience, or my thoughts, I’d just sit back and see what comes up. A practice like this can feel like a lot to commit to, it’s more helpful to do this with someone as you’ll hold each other accountable. I grew to love meditating in silence even more than guided ones, as I felt like it helped me gain a bird’s eye view on what went on in my mind. It helped me become a better observer and listener in the outside world too.
As time went on I learned how actions can be a form of meditation too. For example, using our voices to hum or sing, writing or making some form of art with our hands like painting, drawing, sewing. Or physical practices like yoga or going to the gym or walking, and so on. Movement as a form of meditation became something I wanted to explore. I just had to find what resonated with me. So I started doing yoga with more awareness, I took my time really taking in the silence between each breath in and out, and the movements between each posture, to expand my awareness throughout my body and the space around it. Although this changed how I showed up on my mat, and made my practice more effective mentally and physically, it still wasn’t what I was looking for at the time. I wanted to experience something deeper then the mind could reach, something that made me feel truly free. That was when I was introduced to dance as a form of meditation.
I was on vacation after lockdown when I met Anna. A free spirit who lead beautiful yoga classes by the water. I instantly felt connected to her, and just by the few conversations we had during my stay, we came to find out that we had similar interests that developed within the both of us during the world’s major shift. It was Anna who introduced me to ecstatic dance.
She had explained to me that it is simply allowing the body to move in which ever way it wanted to, to what ever music I chose, preferably a piece of music with no words (to avoid the mind from wanting to focus on the words), and for a deeper experience, to experiment with this kind of intuitive dance with a blindfold on, to completely get out of the mind and into the body. When I got back home, I was curious to know what it was, what it meant and what I’d find once I’ve tried it. The thought of moving intuitively felt funny. Even though I was alone, just the thought of it felt awkward, I’m not sure how it would feel like completely letting go of my mind and move in a way that my body wanted to, what does that even mean? I’ve never really shut off my mind in this kind of way, it felt odd. Today, I can say that after revisiting this practice every now and then, what I had found was exactly what I was looking for…pure freedom.
Similarly to when I first tried seated meditation, I judged myself with every movement. This time, my eyes would follow every movement sending judging thoughts to my mind and I’d almost feel bullied by myself, especially because I wasn’t used to dancing at all, and usually when we dance it would be during moments where we’d make sure we don’t look ridiculous. It was really eye opening to discover this voice within myself, that felt like I can’t be truly free even with the company of my own self. I didn’t like that. So I closed my eyes, I didn’t use a blindfold but I closed my eyes, took deep breaths, melted my thinking mind into the heart space, just as I would during a seated meditation or a yoga practice, and began from there. At first, I focused on moving in a way to release tightness in the corners of my body like the neck and shoulders, as if I was just stretching. Slowly, that focus began to fade and it felt like I was moving more from my heart, I was less concerned about how I looked and more focused on how I felt. I started becoming more aware of how I painted the air around me with my elbows and fingertips, the way my body felt like it was moving through honey, and how each step I took kissed the ground below me with attention. The bully within me, my ego self, began to feel seen. She began to shed her layers of self judgment and finally soften.
A few months later, I was introduced to the 5rhythms by Vanessa, a friend of mine who was enrolled in the same yoga teacher training as me. I have never heard of the 5rhythms before. Like ecstatic dance, it’s aim was to get us out of our heads and into our bodies, but this time with the intention to heal through all our layers one at a time.
Gabrielle Roth, who was nicknamed the urban shaman, created the 5rhythms (an intentional and structured form of ecstatic dance) in the late 1970’s. In order, the 5rhythms goes through 5 stages, flowing, staccato, chaos, lyrical and stillness. Together, each stage makes up a part of a medicine wheel. Movements in the flowing stage encourage us to develop a deeper awareness of our bodies as we get started with the dance. Staccato, moves into sharper movements, encouraging us to experiment more with movements that are more structured. Chaos, exactly as the word says, anything and everything is welcome here, let go and surrender to the dance. Lyrical, the perfect word to describe this part would be whimsical, a moment of happiness after letting go of what’s been keeping you stagnant. And finally, Stillness, this last and final part of the dance makes us to look back at our experience, see what we’ve gained or released, it gives us a chance to observe ourselves, the way we moved, the way we feel on the inside and out, slowly coming back into our bodies in our own time, just before we end the dance.
I hope the way I described the 5rhythms made some sense, as I tried to keep it short and to the point. Dancing intuitively as a moving meditation gave me the ability to reach any forgotten residue of pain and distrust that still lingered in my being. It felt like a way to cleanse and pave the way to opportunity. It felt like looking at life for the way it is, with all it’s beauty, it’s gifts, and it’s challenges and choosing to dance along side of it. Finding a balance where both me and the unknown can coexist in harmony. Although ecstatic dance gave me the freedom of endless exploration with no rules at all, I found that the 5rhythms was a truly powerful and life changing experience, meant for the brave of heart.
And what was serendipitous about both encounters was that, both Anna and Vanessa were ballet dancers in their past, both drawn to yoga to become yoga instructors, and both passionate about ecstatic dance. Gabrielle Roth herself was a young dancer as well, she also had experience training in classical ballet.
Looking back on my meditation journey, there isn’t one way that’s better than the other. Each form has its purpose for what’s needed at the time. I came to realize that there is no perfect way of meditating, but the more imperfect it looked or felt, the more I gained from it.
As you can probably tell by now, intuitive dance has become a meditation technique I grew to love. What started out as something I felt embarrassed to try (even though I was on my own), became something I can’t help but talk about with a sparkle of passion and inspiration in my eyes. I invite anyone feeling stuck or in a tough place in their life, or even if you just feel called to dance, to play with intuitive movement. Just to see what might come up. If your body had a voice what would it say?
